Today I pulled a card and it seems so appropriate to how I'm feeling about life in general today. Okay, in truth, the past few weeks. I pulled the Death card.
Death, now there it is. It's been a really scary ordeal for me to just let go. Let go of fears, insecurities and the fantasies about what I thought my life ought to be if only things would go the way that I KNOW they should go. Funny thing about life, it doesn't always listen to us.. or does it? Perhaps it listens more to the fears, because we put more energy into those little fears and negative voices that live inside our heads rather than put energy towards creating our own happiness.
Take a look at our Fool card there. I love the way James illustrated it, exactly as I had intended. He captured that stunned and scared dear in the headlights look that people get when they are just know they are being dragged along into something they swear is going to kill them. That's how I feel right now at this time in my life! I know something HUGE is coming, BIG changes and I'm being pulled along without my understanding nor want to. But, at the same time, there is a part of me that is curious to see what happens. How will I change? What will my transformation look like?
Looking at my life right now, I notice a pattern of changes and near chaos that takes place every time the card of Death and its warning of letting go comes into my life. I really don't want to acknowledge the possibility of having to let things go that are comfortable for me. The Hanged Man that comes right before this card reminds me that life has been too comfortable and I've become too comfortable in my circumstances. Even if they are not good for me, or the situation doesn't help me grow, I've become way too accustomed to it. I play the middle ground and keep the peace so that I can go on, but unfortunately, that also keeps me in a place where I watch life pass me by.. and right now, I'm so done letting it pass me by! I want to live! That's the thing about Death.. it makes us face our own mortality. So I ponder, to myself, my own mortality and what I would like to accomplish before the time comes that I will have to shed my body from my spirit. What am I really leaving behind becomes the REAL question.
Have you ever asked yourself that question ? When Death comes into the picture.. ask yourself, What are you REALLY letting go of?
Are you letting go of the fears that keep you from moving forward? or..
Are you letting go of a future because you are afraid to let go of the fears?